She liked herself better because of him. And since he clearly felt the same, there was a kind of infinite regress of love and respect underlying their relationship. At least, that was how she described it to herself. In the presence of so many of her friends, she had felt an undercurrent of loneliness. With Ken, it was gone.
~

"Contact" (1985) - Carl Sagan

That must be very interesting. Of course, this is something that happens unconsciously. But my only experience with happiness is complete isolation and complete lack of (self-)reflection.

3 days ago on 20 April 2014 ~ 3:54pm

Also…

If you take a stance against this relationship-positive society, a lot of people will try to prove you wrong and try to convince you that everyone will end in a relationship and those who don’t are weird and no one should aspire to lead a life without relationships.

Well, thanks guys, not only do you make me feel even more insecure, but also you know nothing about how I struggled to fit into this as a teenager. Do not try to talk to me about relationships when you know nothing about my adolescence.

There is this really troubling idea that naiveté is a thing, that you can trivialize people by calling them naive and innocent, but this is bullshit propaganda spread by the media.

It’s like women can only be virgins or sluts and I am not going to divide people like that.

Not being in a relationship does not make you any more naive than being in a relationship. There are so many naive people in relationships, so many people who are “not ready” yet, so well… You cannot explain it.

People manage to get into a relationship, some people don’t and it is not about how intelligent or experienced people are. Of course, if you have never been in a relationship, you cannot have that experience, but there are many other factors that make you “qualified” for relationships, if there is such a thing.

I decided I do not need one and trying to get into a relationship is not something I have time for. I struggle enough as it is and a relationship at this point of my life is more of a burden than a help.

This is a thing most people don’t talk about. Yes, most will admit that a relationship takes perseverance, trust and courage, but they won’t say that it will make life even harder.

I won’t be able to share my thoughts on relationships because I cannot know about it, so please accept if I don’t want to get into this.

To me it feels like most people are in some kind of cult, doing something that is possible, but not necessarily something that I strive for. I don’t do drugs, for example, because I don’t want to and I don’t need to break free from my conventional life either because my life is not very conventional and stressful enough as it is.

There should be more pride about this. I don’t think not being in a relationship is a virtue, but you can also have a meaningful life without one.

There are even quite a lot of people who ARE in relationships, but they don’t make it about sex. Which is ok, too.

Maybe that is the thing that bothers me the most. The assumption that a love relationship equals having sex.

It’s like… you can only choose between two options, while the reality is so different.

1 week ago on 10 April 2014 ~ 11:10pm 1 note
Anonymous
I'm 27 and I've had sexual relationships but I've never had anything close to a serious boyfriend. I'm not super hot but I'm not completely unattractive either, maybe a bit above average. I've struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager and I also have issues with my sexuality due to developing early. Anyway, I'm seeing a therapist, which helps, but I still feel so fucking pathetic and like a freak for not having that kind of relationship. And it feels hopeless. Any advice?

gowns:

you’re not pathetic and you’re not a freak

don’t pay attention to the media and pop culture and people gabbing. people like to gas themselves up and try to pretend like they have a lot of stuff going on. but you don’t need to pay attention to that. your time will come in your own time. you have your own journey and your own life to live; your own constellation to expand.

have you read this thing i related not too long ago?

there’s a comedian named paul f tompkins, who is definitely a favorite person of mine. and we went to go see him do a show here in LA and he had a very personal stand-up set, which is sort of new territory that he’s exploring. he told us about his depression and anxiety and how he’s on the other side of all that now. most powerfully, i feel, he told us how he had never had a serious relationship until he was 38-42 years old. (i forget the exact age, but somewhere in there.) until that point, it was just a lot of crushes and feeling sorry for himself and all of that. but he says that in a way, it was good that the relationship came when it did — at a point in his life where he was finally feeling healthy and safe. he was finally on solid ground, and then she came into his life, and now they’re married ! (he cultivated the green bough inside himself and the singing bird came !!)

i relate the story of paul f tompkins to people sometimes when they’re worried about being “forever alone.” (…which also reminds me sometimes of that one meme comic that the old man made…) …it will all come and go and come again…!

and come and go again…

you’re taking good steps. you know it takes time and work. so take the time and do the work. you’ll get there eventually. put yourself out there and be gentle with yourself.

I completely abandoned the idea of ever getting into a relationship because even this little hope is really unnerving for me. Like… I cannot expect it to happen and it is a safety precaution and a lot of people would say it’s unhealthy… But I think it is unhealthier to make your life about being or not being in a relationship.

You can have meaningful platonic relationships without having to go beyond that.

I guess most people think this is unnatural, but if it was, why are there so many people not in relationships? It’s not the majority, but it is still a significantly high number.

You have to isolate yourself because a lot of people in relationships will poke at you and make fun if you are not in a relationship. They will trivialize sex and make it look ugly and what not. What is healthy about that?

via  cestlaquelleestvivante  (originally  gowns)
1 week ago on 10 April 2014 ~ 10:56pm 35 notes

striders:

tbh ive always found the idea of dating somebody who you weren’t already best friends with absolutely dumbfounding?? like i certainly can understand being physically attracted to someone with no emotional attachment but i couldn’t ever understand how anybody could form a romantic relationship with someone who they weren’t already close to. apparently that’s called demiromanticism? so i. guess that’s what i am. huh.

This is very interesting.

I actually thought of how the two protagonists in the story I am working on at the moment get together…

And for a while I thought they’d form their relationship very quickly.

But then I thought that they should become friends first.

tags   love  
via  achievement-cunters  (originally  striders)
4 weeks ago on 27 March 2014 ~ 1:24am 505 notes

redwhiteandblueliberty:

missanddry:

Friendly reminder that anti-cheating is pro-slut shaming (◕‿◕✿)

image

I swear, I read the sentence 10 times and only got it now…

And now… I’m not sure I agree with this. I don’t think cheating is something people should do, but it happens…

I know what is meant is “if you shame anyone who cheats it is like slut-shaming”… But I read this as “people should not be against cheating or it works like slut-shaming”…

I don’t know, I always think about the partner that got cheated on and, well… It sucks for them. It doesn’t mean their partner is “promiscuous”.

It’s not black and white, you know… You can be against cheating and not be pro slut-shaming.

tags   life    love  
via  littlegreenghoulsbudddy  (originally  )
1 month ago on 9 March 2014 ~ 1:20am 88,922 notes
people should fall in love with their eyes closed
~ Andy Warhol (via lushella)
via  theywerejusttwofucksinlust  (originally  lushella)
1 month ago on 27 February 2014 ~ 9:16pm 54,420 notes

Wait…

What really bothers me is that Ron/Hermione made human experience and human action seem so trivial, so obvious, so predictable.

Like… It’s the same thing when people talk about real people’s relationships and then they go “Ah, yeah, they HAD to become a couple”.

Personally, I think that’s bullshit. Even if the majority of people work that way, it does not mean everyone does.

If people do not “go for it”, it’s only because they’re too shy or not “ready” or whatever… And I don’t think that is fair. I don’t think it puts those who do not fit into these categories in a good light. It makes them look stupid.

I really think that people can decide against a relationship because they don’t want to. Not because they don’t want to yet. They don’t want to at a certain point in time. Regardless of their “romantic abilities”. Regardless of what they want in the future.

Relationships come not only with advantages. They are very complex and I feel we should talk about that. There is not one manual for all relationships. Every relationship is different.

So you can’t just make the existence or non-existence of a relationship depend on only one factor. That it HAD to happen. Or that it could NOT happen.

But maybe I’m just stupid. I don’t see these things, I guess. Or most people just work the same way, which I have suspected for a while now. Not because they naturally work the same way, but because they fit into their culture. And then they express this in one way and not another.

Because it makes life easier for them.

But it doesn’t make life easy for me. I am a very pure person. I don’t work in conventional social categories. I don’t understand convention. I understand why it exists, but it is more difficult for me to be conventional than unconventional. Not because I am lazy, but because it is more difficult for me.

1 month ago on 27 February 2014 ~ 2:00am
Todesfurcht und Unzulänglichkeit des Lebens sind die Wurzeln des Begehrens, wohingegen auf der anderen Seite die Dankbarkeit, überhaupt das Leben geschenkt bekommen zu haben - ein Leben, das man selbst im Elend schätzt - […] die Wurzel der Erinnerung ist. Was letzten Endes die Todesfurcht lindert, ist nicht Hoffnung oder Begierde, sondern Erinnerung und Dankbarkeit.
~ Hannah Arendt (Alois Prinz, “Hannah Arendt oder Die Liebe zur Welt”)
2 months ago on 22 February 2014 ~ 11:15pm

One thing I really hate…

is when people romanticize crushes.

Every time I touch on this subject, people become sooo intrusive. Even if I have known a person for a while… I don’t want to talk about it in this way.

I’ve had bad experiences with that stuff. I’ve come to the point where I totally avoid anything in that area…

So when someone says “Aw, cuuute” or makes fun of me - even in a nice way - it makes me cringe. I know it is meant as a nice gesture or just reinforcing society’s ideas and lies about love… But it makes me feel offended.

Like… people don’t take it serious. As if love was an easy game. As if there were no problems involved. And there are so many lonely people out there and they don’t get to speak up. Because of this stupid cliché romanticization.

It just pisses me off.

And this whole shallow idea about love has haunted me during my teenage years. I tried to fit into it so hard… no matter what.

But there was no one. No other. I couldn’t even understand how the system works. I knew there were all this magazine tips on dating and the like… but that never related to me, but to an artificial idea of human beings… and I never liked that. I genuinely wanted to understand it.

These days, I just think… Whatever. Maybe it’s just not for me. I am missing out, I guess, but if that also means I don’t have to get upset about it, spend hours crying in my room, additionally question my self-worth and increase my self-loathing, yes, then I choose to stay alone for the rest of my life.

If it means a loss of life-quality, then I won’t do it. My life does not have much quality for me. I was born into it and I struggle to meet expectations.

2 months ago on 21 February 2014 ~ 2:43am

http://cillainmurphy.tumblr.com/post/68593134727/meiringens-the-romantic-sexual-platonic-love

meiringens:

“The “romantic-sexual/platonic” love dichotomy leaves no room for the real emotional nuances people experience in their attachments, and I think that it often causes us to live with simplified relationships not because we want to or because we have simple desires and feelings but because we have no experience, cultural context, or language to accommodate a complex social life or set of relationships. This is why language is so important. This is why words and labels matter. How can you have the kind of relationships you want with anyone, if you don’t even have the words to accurately express how you feel? Hell, half the time, people don’t even understand their own feelings and relationship desires because what they feel is not simple at all, but the only relationship framework they know makes everything seem simple and clear cut: romance and sex go together, friendship is separate from both of those things, couplehood/primary partnership is exclusive to romance and sex, etc. But if we are to accept the possibilities and realities of asexual romance, primary nonsexual/nonromantic love, nonromantic sex and sexual friendship, romantic (nonsexual) friendship, queerplatonic nonsexual relationships and sexual relationships, etc…. we have to drop this way of thinking and speaking about relationships and love in a romantic-sexual/platonic dichotomous way. None of those “complex” relationships fit into that model”

— “Platonic love” is a problematic term | The Thinking Asexual

inspiredbyyou:

this is my favorite part of any snl skit ever

He is such a flawless Pope.

Bless this post.

tags   life    love  
via  balerione  (originally  ace-muslim)
4 months ago on 20 December 2013 ~ 12:57am 10,454 notes