friends are constantly coming to me for advice about their relationships and love lives and i’m just
It sucks when someone you have feelings for doesn’t share those feelings; it happens to women all the time, too. We hear “I just want to be friends” and “you’re like one of the guys” and “you’re like a sister to me” just as often. But you’ll never hear a woman complain that guys just don’t appreciate a Nice Girl because we’re taught it’s our own fucking fault when we’re rejected—we aren’t pretty enough or thin enough or sexy enough, we weren’t sexual enough or were too sexual, we put out too much or too little or too soon or not soon enough, we didn’t wear our hair the right way or our skirt the right length, we’re “too tomboyish” or “too butch” or “too feminine”, or we’re “not their type”, or we’re otherwise not good enough in various ways to entice the man to grace us with his affection.
But when we’re not interested in someone, we’re vilified. We’re the bitch that lead them on, the bitch who let them buy us dinner but didn’t want to date them, the bitch who doesn’t appreciate a nice guy, the bitch they were nice to and then got nothing in return from.
And, frankly, fuck those people. Showing interest in me, being friendly with me, getting close to me, or eating a meal with me (even if they paid for it) doesn’t obligate me to open my heart or my legs. And anyone who doesn’t appreciate my friendship sure as hell doesn’t deserve my love or my pussy.
let’s 96 (ignore each other)
This is beautiful and perfect and EXACTLY as the world should be.
Ah, so that is the backstory to the project. Brilliant reaction.
"Contact" (1985) - Carl Sagan
That must be very interesting. Of course, this is something that happens unconsciously. But my only experience with happiness is complete isolation and complete lack of (self-)reflection.
If you take a stance against this relationship-positive society, a lot of people will try to prove you wrong and try to convince you that everyone will end in a relationship and those who don’t are weird and no one should aspire to lead a life without relationships.
Well, thanks guys, not only do you make me feel even more insecure, but also you know nothing about how I struggled to fit into this as a teenager. Do not try to talk to me about relationships when you know nothing about my adolescence.
There is this really troubling idea that naiveté is a thing, that you can trivialize people by calling them naive and innocent, but this is bullshit propaganda spread by the media.
It’s like women can only be virgins or sluts and I am not going to divide people like that.
Not being in a relationship does not make you any more naive than being in a relationship. There are so many naive people in relationships, so many people who are “not ready” yet, so well… You cannot explain it.
People manage to get into a relationship, some people don’t and it is not about how intelligent or experienced people are. Of course, if you have never been in a relationship, you cannot have that experience, but there are many other factors that make you “qualified” for relationships, if there is such a thing.
I decided I do not need one and trying to get into a relationship is not something I have time for. I struggle enough as it is and a relationship at this point of my life is more of a burden than a help.
This is a thing most people don’t talk about. Yes, most will admit that a relationship takes perseverance, trust and courage, but they won’t say that it will make life even harder.
I won’t be able to share my thoughts on relationships because I cannot know about it, so please accept if I don’t want to get into this.
To me it feels like most people are in some kind of cult, doing something that is possible, but not necessarily something that I strive for. I don’t do drugs, for example, because I don’t want to and I don’t need to break free from my conventional life either because my life is not very conventional and stressful enough as it is.
There should be more pride about this. I don’t think not being in a relationship is a virtue, but you can also have a meaningful life without one.
There are even quite a lot of people who ARE in relationships, but they don’t make it about sex. Which is ok, too.
Maybe that is the thing that bothers me the most. The assumption that a love relationship equals having sex.
It’s like… you can only choose between two options, while the reality is so different.
you’re not pathetic and you’re not a freak
don’t pay attention to the media and pop culture and people gabbing. people like to gas themselves up and try to pretend like they have a lot of stuff going on. but you don’t need to pay attention to that. your time will come in your own time. you have your own journey and your own life to live; your own constellation to expand.
have you read this thing i related not too long ago?
there’s a comedian named paul f tompkins, who is definitely a favorite person of mine. and we went to go see him do a show here in LA and he had a very personal stand-up set, which is sort of new territory that he’s exploring. he told us about his depression and anxiety and how he’s on the other side of all that now. most powerfully, i feel, he told us how he had never had a serious relationship until he was 38-42 years old. (i forget the exact age, but somewhere in there.) until that point, it was just a lot of crushes and feeling sorry for himself and all of that. but he says that in a way, it was good that the relationship came when it did — at a point in his life where he was finally feeling healthy and safe. he was finally on solid ground, and then she came into his life, and now they’re married ! (he cultivated the green bough inside himself and the singing bird came !!)
i relate the story of paul f tompkins to people sometimes when they’re worried about being “forever alone.” (…which also reminds me sometimes of that one meme comic that the old man made…) …it will all come and go and come again…!
and come and go again…
you’re taking good steps. you know it takes time and work. so take the time and do the work. you’ll get there eventually. put yourself out there and be gentle with yourself.
I completely abandoned the idea of ever getting into a relationship because even this little hope is really unnerving for me. Like… I cannot expect it to happen and it is a safety precaution and a lot of people would say it’s unhealthy… But I think it is unhealthier to make your life about being or not being in a relationship.
You can have meaningful platonic relationships without having to go beyond that.
I guess most people think this is unnatural, but if it was, why are there so many people not in relationships? It’s not the majority, but it is still a significantly high number.
You have to isolate yourself because a lot of people in relationships will poke at you and make fun if you are not in a relationship. They will trivialize sex and make it look ugly and what not. What is healthy about that?
tbh ive always found the idea of dating somebody who you weren’t already best friends with absolutely dumbfounding?? like i certainly can understand being physically attracted to someone with no emotional attachment but i couldn’t ever understand how anybody could form a romantic relationship with someone who they weren’t already close to. apparently that’s called demiromanticism? so i. guess that’s what i am. huh.
This is very interesting.
I actually thought of how the two protagonists in the story I am working on at the moment get together…
And for a while I thought they’d form their relationship very quickly.
But then I thought that they should become friends first.
Friendly reminder that anti-cheating is pro-slut shaming (◕‿◕✿)
I swear, I read the sentence 10 times and only got it now…
And now… I’m not sure I agree with this. I don’t think cheating is something people should do, but it happens…
I know what is meant is “if you shame anyone who cheats it is like slut-shaming”… But I read this as “people should not be against cheating or it works like slut-shaming”…
I don’t know, I always think about the partner that got cheated on and, well… It sucks for them. It doesn’t mean their partner is “promiscuous”.
It’s not black and white, you know… You can be against cheating and not be pro slut-shaming.