8. Know failure is sometimes inevitable and don’t fear it. Worrying about failure can keep us from doing anything at all. Confident people are still confident even when they fail. When the chips are down they know it will pass.
But what if you are one of those people who do not get support from society and every time they fail they get told off and are made to feel like shit? If there is no one to have your back, failure will destroy you.
I think one thing I have learnt is to trust no one but myself. If I have no support from anyone I have to rely on my own strength.
Confident people listen to other people but do not let their difference of perspective take them off track. It’s your life!
This sounds all nice, but our minds are no islands. So when you are told often enough that your opinions are invalid, you do not think that your opinions are valid. Which means people will always take you off track, BECAUSE YOU MIGHT BE WRONG.
4. Use words with intention. Consider the difference with two people discussing their new blog. One could be, “Yes, I am a blogger. You like vintage purses too? Awesome! We must connect — check out the new images I posted at…” vs. “Well, I am trying to blog but am not sure I am doing it right (nervous laugh).” Who do you think gets the most views and shares?
OK, I want to point out something here…
I used to be more like the first person until I got destroyed by other confident people who thought I sucked. Well, only one can win, I guess…
3. Act as if it’s already yours. People who are self-assured allow their language and actions to be in line with their outcome. This inspires confidence in others.
~ It’s not like you can get something just by doing that… Also, I don’t think you can choose to do that.
I had trouble falling asleep last night too!"
Yes, you’re trying to sympathize, but comments like these can feel belittling. “Insomnia is not just ‘I can’t fall asleep,’” says Badr. “Insomnia is a medical condition with consequences. Telling people, ‘I can’t fall asleep either’ almost invalidates the complaint. Chronic insomnia is not a nuisance, it is a medical disorder, and it has to be treated as such.
Yes, I am definitely guilty of that.
But what to say when someone talks about a medical condition…
Organized people know their strengths and weaknesses, and they delegate accordingly. “They know they don’t have to do it all themselves,” Reyman says, and they avoid additional stress by reaching out when they need support.
Well, bad for me that this is not an option I can choose…
I do everything by myself because I can’t trust other people. And even if they could do it better than myself… This would just show me that I had to let someone else do it because I was inadequate.
If I do things myself, if I fail because only I was involved, only I can get hurt.
Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That’s because they were able to connect experiences they’ve had and synthesize new things.
You nailed it there. Right there.
This is where all my lack of self-confidence comes from. Because I know that my abilities are not constructed, but they happened due to my experiences and learning. But not consciously. I cannot tell myself the lie that I am who I am because I chose to be who I am. And you can’t write that in an application.
If I imagine my future self…
What I usually do, what I have done all my life, is imagining myself as someone entirely different.
What my life would be like if I did not have the problems I have.
If I had a particular skill, like swimming or playing an instrument.
And that sounds stupid to other people. Why would you do that when you can only be yourself?
Because I am not privileged with my mental skills. Or more like my skills are useless, they don’t make me fit in.
The same brain network associated with daydreaming is the brain network associated with theory of mind.
Hold on a second.
Theory of Mind.
I daydream all the time, but I am said to have problems with Theory of Mind, how does that fit together?
Creative people tend to be intrinsically motivated — meaning that they’re motivated to act from some internal desire, rather than a desire for external reward or recognition.
~ Aha. There. My whole life mainly consists of intrinsical motivation. And this is something that irritates other people.